It takes a great amount of strength to forgive someone who has caused harm unto you, whether it be physical or emotional. Forgiveness is a trait possessed by the strong. The weak are incapable of doing so. They would rather take the easy way out through vengence, their fragile minds can not grasp the idea of forgiveness. Only the strong possess the power to do so.

Darkness hides our chosen path, shrouds our ability to see, but darkness can be swept away if I may depend on thee. You and I will be beacons – shining flames to light the way, revealing well our chosen path, temptations cast away. We’ll tread the path we’ve chosen, clasped hand in hand and free of everything that held us back, the future’s you and me. There is no need to glance behind, stay focused on the light. For now we are joined together there’s only love in sight. As life proceeds and shadows fall, let us remember this. The light we saw, that showed the way, was lit by our first kiss.

At a time like this, could I possibly be falling for you. If so, please don’t let it stop…

I haven’t posted anything in a couple of days. My mind has been all over the place so I could not find anything to write about that would be worth reading. These past few days have been hell and my mental state is in disarray at the moment. So much shit has happened in the past week; more than what has happened in my lifetime. I just want it all to go away. I keep crying and pleading for all this pain to leave, but every morning when I wake up I realize that the hurt is here to stay.

jaysjournal asked: i love you jessica. and words cannot explain what a beautiful and strong young woman you are <3

Thank you so much, I haven’t seen or talked to you in a while. I love you also. It’s nice hearing from you.

I’ve always found that writing is the best way to express how I am feeling. Right now I’m feeling a mixture of pain, guilt, and sorrow. If you didn’t already read my post, my mother passed away today. Her name is Diane Melton. She was forty-five years old. She died peacefully in her sleep this morning.

My mother was a character. She was a strong women who went through a lot in her life. Born in the south at a time when mixed raced people were not well accepted, her dad moved her up north to live with her mother in hopes of giving her a chance at a better life. This however did not happen. My mother’s mother treated my mother horrible. My mother reminded her of her ex husband, my mother’s dad, and therefore she hated the sight of her. Yet she let her live with her because she knew my mother had no where else to go. My mother didn’t have much of a childhood, and by the time she was seventeen years old she had been raped by a “family friend” and had her first child, my oldest who is now around 26. It was around this time when she met my father. He was nerdy kid around school, only focused on hip-hop, grades, and skateboarding. The two of them met and fell in love. They promised they would always be together until the end. They had two children together, my sister Tiffany in 1986 and then me in 1992. After the birth of Tiffany my mother developed Lung Cancer, which was eventually what claimed her life. My parents split a year after I was born. My mother lost all stability a few years later and I was spent two years of my life in Foster care until my dad took custody of me. I spent most of my life having vague memories of my mother.

Then spring of 2008 she got in contact with us. I couldn’t believe it. I had not seen or heard from my mother since I was five years old. I was happy she was back in my life. Soon after we came in contact she moved closer to spend time with me and my sister. My dad remarried and moved on with his life but my mother was still in love with my father until the day she died. She felt he was her soulmate. I think that what has my dad so upset, deep down inside I think he still loves her.

The past two years spent getting to know her was amazing. She was such a funny women with so much love in her heart. All she wanted to do was give, she rarely recieved. She was beautiful as well. Long curly hair, tan skin, short like me, brown eyes like pools of chocolate; honestly one of the most beautiful woman I know. And she was strong, I remember some of the things she would do just for me and my sisters to have food on the table. I didn’t understand it back then but now I see all that she went through to provie for us. My mother didn’t have many people love her either. I remember many different men, ones who were abusive to both her, me, and my sisters. She was always searching for love. She deserved more than what she got. I fear in my heart she died without feeling loved. Which isn’t true because I loved her dearly.

Her passing feels so unexpected because she was doing so well. I just saw her this past sunday and she was walking and talking just fine. It makes me so sad because even though I did tell her I love her, I don’t feel like I did it enough. I don’t think she truely knew how much I loved her. I keep replaying the message she left on my voicemail just to hear her voice. I just don’t understand why she had to go. I spent twelve years without her, that was hard enough. Growing up without my mother, I thought I had a second chance. Now she is gone forever

I didn’t even get to say goodbye…

I’m going to miss you so much….